Marriage Counselor Rancid Pizzdorf advises male clients to chill once divorce proceedings begin. “Face it, you’re going to get #%&$ed,” the counselor counsels. “Totally #%&$ed”, the counselor further counsels. “Everybody else does.”
According to Pizzdorf, waiting around to die is a guy’s best option. “Up yonder, men can pick a time and place in the hereafter where women are still their property, establish citizenship there, then come back to the contemporary afterlife and smack the #!%&$ around all you want.” Under the sovereign law of your new time and place, that will be your right as property owner.
Rancid figures on much of his male clientele heading straight for Genesis World, and plans to open a branch office there, serving what he conservatively estimates will be all of them and every guy they ever met.
Now that Mitt Romney has a couple of playoff wins under his belt, we decided to ask our mentor what impact Pizzdorf thought a Mormon White House would have on the lifestyle advice he dishes out, powerful stuff that formed our own “essence of who you are”, as detailed in Chapter 1356 of The Pizzdorf Method, Coping with the Loss of Everything the $#%& Can Get Her &%#$ing Hands on and More. Much, Much More. Waiting around to die has gotten us through the past 40 years pretty darned well, and, understandably, we’re a tad squeamish at the prospect of any changes with that.
Emailing a reply from Mitt for President Headquarters in Jerusalem, Rancid suggested we google “Mormon women as property” ourselves and check out what you get:
“Mormonism has created an ingenious system of oppression, in which opposition towards men is tantamount to arguing with God.”
The MacDougal Post is delighted to throw our full editorial support aboard the almighty Romney bandwagon. Unless, it goes without saying, a certain New York City landlord returns to the fray, we wholeheartedly endorse the former Massachusetts Governor as our enthusiastic choice to top the Republican ticket in 2012.
