We jumped all over Real Estate Investment Trusts when those outfits started going public, giddy to be collecting dividends from, one had to figure, the meanest landlords in the country, the worst kind of human beings who, in order to get there, one further figured, had to basically screw all the other worst kind of human beings out of going public too.
Meanwhile, one New York landlord was dragging rank skullduggery down to a whole new, kind of subhuman, level. Stiffing stodgy old financial institutions left and right, this dark genius parleyed one bankruptcy after another into fame, chintzy glamour, and fortune, ultimately crowning himself the Richest A$$hole in America, at least in the public eye. And ours.
This should help explain why we obsess over every sandbagging word Donald Trump is jerking America around with these days.
On June 1, The Donald has promised, he’ll tell us whether or not the Richest A$$hole in America will run for President. That’s not President of one of the myriad companies he scuttled, always clinging onto these headline-grabbing minority interests in exchange for continued use of his catastrophic, but confoundingly bankable last name.
That’s President of the United States of America.
The job now held by the guy who couldn’t get into the colleges he got into unless something funny was going on, at least according to the Richest A$$hole in America, and flimflam man’s got his people looking into all that, like they did with the birth certificate thing, which The Donald resolved for us just the other day.
Singlehandedly too, he might add.
Birthers spent years trying to make Umama come clean over that one. Richest A$$hole pops off, and shuts the circus down inside of maybe two weeks. The whole bamboozling three ring extravaganza is over, folks. Done. Caput, gratis The Donald.
We actually have him to thank for something. Something big too. Don’t think he’s not going to spin it that way to all the right people either. The 65,000,001, or whatever, voters he needs come November 2012.
Latest is, America’s Richest A$$hole wants to start charging other countries for services we’ve been providing them for free. Presumably, he means military services. I mean, what other kind are there? From us anyway.
People like the late Princess Di go around doing works. Like removing deadly landmines in Africa. But us? We put them there. Or drove somebody else to. Or made them. Or sold them. Or whatever.
Without countries like the USA, there wouldn’t be people like the late Princess Di. At least, not in the landmine removal business, there wouldn't.
Anyway, what we do is provide free military services, according to the Richest A$$hole in America, and only the Richest A$$hole in America is capable of even seeing it that way. Note that he’s scoping out the big picture here. Comprehensive Military services, the full menu, like when we go into, say, Afghanistan to, I don’t know, spend decades freeing them from Taliban oppression for a few weeks after we leave, or whatever it is we’re doing there. Whatever, things like this cost a king’s ransom to pull off. Well, under The Donald, from now on we actually go after His Royal Highness and collect on His Royal Tab. Presumably money, however there’s clearly a problem with that part.
From the looks of everyplace we’ve been, once we’ve been there, at least for a while, there is no money. Sometimes there is no king. To get paid it looks like The Donald will have to start taking stuff.
Like throwing somebody out of their house and keeping the furniture. And intuition suggests a New York landlord is going to be really good at that. If voters give him the chance.
The Post had to go all the way back to Attila the Hun to find a precedent for all this.
Now, sometimes Rome made the Huns pay tribute to Rome, and sometimes the Huns made Rome pay tribute to the Huns. Under Attila, however, there was never any question. The scourge of the Roman Empire rampaged and laid waste and slew monks and maidens in great number. There were other blood-lettings too. As long as Attila galloped forth, all the tributes went to him.
It’s unclear whether or not he was in it for the tribute though. Attila may have just liked galloping. We simply don’t know.
Fortunately for The Donald, however, there was Genghis Kahn as well. Genghis and his Mongols pillaged and sacked, or burned things to the ground, killing entire populations, but only sometimes, the rest of the time just massacring all the men, and the best deal anybody ever got out of Genghis was enslavement, only you had to be an artisan to get it, or a woman or little kid. That was called conquering. However, he and the Horde took stuff too, and when they did, it became known as looting and plundering. Presumably, that’s where The Donald wants to step in.
Just with the looting and plundering. I don’t think he wants to go with the pillaging, sacking, burning, killing, massacring, or enslavement. That means no conquering. At least he hasn’t said so yet. His thinking has to be, there’s no money in pillaging, sacking, burning, killing, or massacring, and no votes, among independents anyway, for enslavement. But the looting and plundering …..
You’d think looting and plundering would have to be a no-brainer for any New York landlord. It’d be fascinating to see what the Richest A$$hole in America could do with the two of them.
We haven’t had that kind of fun in this country ….. Well, ever, I think.
Now, a lot of our readers live in the Northeast Corridor, and you people may find this next part really, really hard to understand, (if you haven’t decided we’ve totally lost it already), but our modest sampling of neighborhood voters on the looting and plundering issue shows The Donald winning everything west of the Hudson River by a landslide in 2012. In fact, the brand new MacDougal Post Election 2012 Headquarters can already project the Richest A$$hole in America to take all the votes in Leoma, Tennessee.
As some of you may recall, The Post is on record supporting a Trump candidacy because we want to see his tax returns. Given our history on the REIT thing though, and this new looting and plundering issue, don’t be surprised to see your blogger, like most of rural America, positioned squarely behind this A$$hole if he comes through with those tax returns for us and runs.
