The moment Donald Trump delighted the viewing audience with that engaging observation, his candidacy received a wholehearted endorsement by The MacDougal Post.
Understand, nobody here wants to vote for him or anything. We’d just like to see his tax returns. By law, The Donald has to show them to us if he runs.
And we’re thinking maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if he won too. Putting the full might of the American military colossus behind a New York landlord could solve at least seven National “issues” we can come up with, and in a New York minute too.
Make no mistake about it. The Donald is a New York landlord. His father was a New York landlord before him. Take everything this man says about himself for what it really is. New York landlord talk.
He’s not a businessman. He’s a New York landlord saying he‘s a businessman. He’s not a magnate. He’s a New York landlord saying he’s a magnate. He’s not a casino operator. He’s a New York landlord saying he’s a casino operator. He’s not a reality show host.
His reality show sucks.
New York landlords throw families out of their homes for a living. Our mom was in show business, and she knew. Stars in show business make all the money. Everybody else is broke, but even broke people have to live somewhere, and that doesn‘t sit well with New York landlords, which is why she knew. She even had stories.
You don’t want to hear our mom’s New York landlord stories. Until we were 37 years old, we ran away every time we saw a New York landlord coming because of our mom's NewYork landlord stories. New York landlords are probably why, late in life, we moved to Tennessee and bought handguns.
New York landlords throw people out of their homes for a living. They raise rents that way, turn apartments into condominiums that way, renovate slums that way. Everybody thinks New York landlords get rich collecting rents, but no. They get rich throwing people out of their homes for a living.
And New York landlords poke around at very curious times of day to try and see how many people are living in there with you. Or with her, as the case may occasionally be.
Urban legend has it that no New York landlord has ever paid a dime of Federal Income Tax in their lives. The pack of them. New York landlords get to write off the cost of their properties every year even when property values rise. That’s what happened from the 1940’s until a few years ago, and real estate prices climbed sharply then too. This totally fictitious cost, called depreciation, reduced their operating profits to losses on their tax returns during that entire period, according to urban legend anyway, if they worked depreciation hard enough.
Presumably, The Donald did. If so, that’s why The Donald doesn’t want to talk about his Federal Income Tax Returns, and also why we want to see them so much.
It’s strange that The Donald floated his presidential campaign trial balloon so close to April 15. Maybe he had to pay income taxes for once. He sounded really angry, like the country had just gotten into his pockets for the very first time, and he wanted to get even. Figured we owed him the job now.
Anyway, The Donald’s had more experience with bankruptcy than anyone else in public life. Probably ever. Maybe The Donald is precisely who the country needs at this absurd moment in our history.
Regardless, The Post just wants to see his tax returns. If the Trump family really hasn’t paid taxes for something like a century now, as urban legend has it, the rest of us really need to know.
