Now we read that those loveable
hotshots at the Securities and Excuses Commission (SEC), who routinely claim to
have no criminal enforcement authority over anything, are joining forces with
G-men at the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), who certainly do, to, get
this, help INVESTIGATE CRIMINAL ACTIVITY.
To the best of our knowledge, we have never been told of such a thing before. Coming so soon
after The Day of the Asteroid/Meteor, a beleaguered investment community can only hope against hope that
somebodies in Washington have finally got religion.
It’s that Heinz hootenanny. Starring celebrity investor Warren Buffalo
and Viet Nam legend, Swift Boat Kerry, former Senator and our brand new Secretary of State, who’s current
squeeze carries the Heinz moniker from her previous husband, another former Senator, who died in an airplane/helicopter crash while in office, this merger
already came with the red carpet trappings of a boffo Hollywood blockbuster. And putting it totally over the top, we’ve
suddenly got vague references to unidentified insiders and secret bank accounts at
this Goldberg Styx office in Switzerland, where in-the-know trading is alleged to
have taken place the day before the upcoming corporate nuptials were announced.
Break out the gunboats for this one. We’ve gotta shoot down Swiss banking secrecy
laws. Clearly, Oozing Red, our working title for the project, is destined to be a
film for the ages. Sylvester, Arnold,
and maybe Cameron or Drew, would have to be up for the headline roles, though lately Jennifer
Lawrence has been snagging every meaty female action lead in sight. Whoever, we’re all sitting on the edge of our
seats eagerly waiting for this brand new SEC/FBI merger to find out who did what with whom at Goldberg Switzerland in the waning market hours just as all that ketchup was about to come plopping out.
