“Hi, I’m Shill Buckhustler, and welcome to Pump and Dump. How can I mess up your life tonight?”
“Hey, Shill. This is Lulu in Louisiana.”
“Forget you, Louisiana Lulu. What hair-brained hogwash are we selling you this evening?”
"MCD is down 10%, and you got me in at the top. What do you want me to do now?”
“MCD gets chopped because my hedge fund buddies short it every chance they get. They’re running 75% of the nation’s wealth these days, and use that dough to trash everyone else‘s stocks. Racketeers scheme up these shorts together and pull the rug out jointly so their victims haven’t got a canary’s chance in a deregulated coal mine.
“So that’s why I want you to sell, sell, sell, sell, sell.”
“Huh?”
“To help the bloodsucking thieves buy themselves out so they can jack the quote up and then do it all over again. Public hops in at the top, jumps out at the bottom. Everybody knows that. Racketeers need you again, Lulu. Now that the price has tanked, hoodlums want folks out there to sell shares back to them. The ones you bought from my shorts when they dumped them on you at higher prices.”
“Oh, I get it now.”
"Got to help the guys out so they can loot everybody again after the next monthlies get reported. Or the latest quarterlies.”
“Okay, maybe I’ll throw in the towel then.”
“Good girl, Lulu. We’re making the market for short-sellers on this program. That’s why we keep telling everybody to use stop loss orders. I want you to dump it right here and when the price pops up good, jump in big time and climb all over that sucker at the top.”
“Then get off again after it tanks. Like I always do.”
“Right. See, some poor sucker thought he bought real MCD from the shorts when they actually conned him into buying nothing but an accounting transaction, and now the racketeers need to pick up some actual stock from a second mark for the old bookkeeping switcharoo that slips bona fide into the first mark‘s hands now that they‘re done slamming the stock for a while."
“And I’m the second mark."
“You got it, Lulu. Buy when the hedge fund guys are selling and sell when the mobsters are buying. Next caller please.”
“Yo, Shill. This is Insolvent in Indiana. Love the way you do us every night.”
“Thanks, Insolvent. We try. Haven‘t heard from you in a while.”
“I know. Is it time to pick up some more Enron now? Country’s become a living Hell and it’s freezing over out there.”
“Where do these morons come from anyway?”
“You said that was when.”
