Forget what the media says.
As always, it’s shareholders who’ll be paying that $4.5 billion BP settlement. Suckers like you and us. The largest corporate criminal penalty in
U.S. history will come out of funds earmarked for enhancing stockholder
return. Be it capital investment, debt leveraging, stock buy-backs, or any of a ton of value-creating uses, worthwhile
stuff will be curtailed. Stuff that increases net worth. Our net worth. And we didn’t
do jack to the Gulf of Mexico.
Jack. That’s what we didn’t do in all of this. Diddley
squat jack.
MacDougal asked Celebrity Dentist, Oakley Brookmall, BP stockholder
and spokesperson for the small investor, what he thought of the latest
miscarriage over at Justice.
“$#%& Justice”, the toast of Chicagoland’s oral health
community responded. “$#%& Justice
and the $#%&ing horse they $#%&ing rode in on.”
“The British oil colossus pled guilty to 14 felony counts
related to that 2010 Deepwater Horizon spill in the Gulf. Does that make you feel any better, Doctor
Brookmall?”
“What the $#%& do you think?”
“There were 11 charges of manslaughter.”
“$#%& that. What
the $#%& do I have to pay $#%&ing $4.5 billion for? $#%&ing WHAT the $#%& FOR?”
“And one felony count for obstruction of justice related to lies
about the size of the leak.”
“WHY $#%&ing ME? “Stockholders
didn’t do $#%&ing &%#$. What are
the $#%&ing $#%&heads taking our $#%&ing stockholder savings for?”
“Three former BP supervisors are facing 22 counts of
negligent manslaughter charges.”
“Big $#%&ing deal.
I didn’t do $#%&. We want our
$#%&ing $4.5 billion back. It’s
OURS, you dumb $#%&ing $%#&head Justice Department $#%&s.”
“All three say they’ll fight the charges.”
“Didn’t this $#%&ing Government $#%& us enough with
the subprime $#%&ing mortgages and the $#%&ing bailouts?”
“The National Fish and Wildlife Foundation gets $2.4
billion, $350 million goes to the National Academy of Sciences, fines come to
$1.3 billion, and there’s a $525 million civil penalty from the Securities and
Excuses Commission.”
“$#%& them too.”
“The National Fish and Wildlife Foundation?”
“$#%& the National Fish and Wildlife Foundation. It’s my $#%&ing shareholder savings.”
“But, Oakley, the National Academy of Sciences?”
“$#%& the National Academy of Sciences. The$#%&ing $#%&ers are stealing MY
money. $#%&ers.”
"And the SEC? What about the SEC, Oakley?"
"$#%& them too. $#%& the SEC most of all. $#%&ing &%#$heads."
“Well, I’ll tell you what the MacDougal Post thinks, Doctor
Brookmall. Everyone here at Global Headquarters agrees that
those 3 BP supervisors are scapegoats. And BP shareholders are getting swindled by stooges for the 1% inside
the United States Government. The
fabulously-wealthy criminally-corrupt who get fabulously wealthy by pilfering our
savings through “stock options” never get held responsible for their felonious
activities while their bought-and-paid-for Government goes after the victims of
their crimes, victims whom they put in the wrong place at the wrong time. That’s what The MacDougal Post thinks, Oakley.”
“$#%& The MacDougal Post.
$#%&. $#%&. $#%&.
$#%&. $#%&.”
“Oh, by the way.
I have an appointment this week. When am I supposed to come in. Do you remember?”
“$#%& you and your $#%&ing appointment. Friday at 5PM.”
“Okay, see you then.”
“$#%&.
$#%&. $#%&. $#%&.
$#%&. Okay.”
