News that Amazon is testing drone aircraft to deliver orders from their warehouses to your door (within half an hour after you click on the submit order thingie!) sent our staff scurrying to get a handle on probable traffic patterns. If the same kinds of computer geek whiz kids who developed MacDougal's first PC came up with this loony project, and are now seated at flight panels in undisclosed remote underground locations across rural America, Irving expects at least three crashes per flight, probably on the way to each house on every flight they attempt, a rate forecast to continue through the early stages of beta development, if not longer.
And for God’s sake, stay away from the door. Access your home through a back window or something until we find out more about this. Much more.
As of now nobody here knows whether to advise subscribers to board up their windows with plywood sheets, kevlar, or heavy armored plates. But keep reading our posts. We’ll try to stay on top if this thing.
Though nobody has told us where testing is taking place, one can assume that Amazon computer geek whiz kid drone flight control operations will be located within twenty minutes of a Starbucks. If you find out which one, move there. It will become the safest place on Earth. Subscribers living in states where Amazon warehouses are, or will soon be, located are advised to remain indoors until further notice. These are: Arizona, California, Delaware, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maryland, New Jersey, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, and Washington. If you have to drive through one of these potential disaster zones, don’t. Go around them.
Anyone thinking of traveling to countries that have such facilities should visit someplace else. These are Canada (Ontario and British Columbia), United Kingdom, France, Germany, Netherlands. Italy, Slovakia, Spain, Japan, China, and India.
If you have to head outside to the mailbox or something, KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE SKIES and listen for engines. If you hear any kind of approaching noise overhead, any at all, RUN BACK INSIDE immediately.
We don’t know if it’s just drones targeting our doors we have to worry about, or if unmanned aircraft will be dropping packages on our heads too. Remember, these are computer geek whiz kids we’re talking about. Please understand, when you order anything from Amazon at this point, not only could drones be placing your door in their aerial crosshairs, but your stupid item that you could just drive out to Wal-Mart and pick up yourselves, may be putting the entire neighborhood at risk.
If anyone knows when and where the first trial drone package attacks are scheduled to launch, please email MacDougal about it as soon as you’ve secured your own property and are safely hunkered down.
