“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
Short-sellers just gangbanged the Dow Jones Industrial Average down 5.9% in two days, and it‘s all Bloodbath‘s fault. A while back, Bloodbath Mary Schlepiro, Chief Obfuscation Officer at the Securities & Excuses Commission, called off a scheduled public hearing on short-selling, claiming that short-selling had nothing to do with the Financial Apocalypse caused by short-sellers, and now The MacDougal Post is waterboarding her to find out the real reason why she ditched it.
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“More water.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“Why’d you do it, Bloodbath. Why’d you call off that scheduled public hearing?”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
It was bad enough before hedge funds came along. The Crime Families trashed our stocks pretty good by themselves. Now every wisea$$ Harvard MBA with $100 billion to throw around is working under a broken business model that gives wisea$$ Harvard MBAs the idea they can gang up on whatever the hell stock they want to, and beat it into the ground.
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
Together.
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“For no reason at all.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.
“None.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
Except to steal our money."
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.
"By throwing the world into a recession.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“Again.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
"They have freaking conferences to get together on whose freaking lives they’re going to freaking destroy next."
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“Conferences, you twisted b!tch.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“And the Dow is down 5.92%.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“In two days.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“TWO days, Bloodbath. Two freaking days.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“And do you know why, Bloodbath? Huh? Why?”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“Short-selling, Bloodbath. It's short-selling. That's why.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
Short-selling, short-selling, short-selling, short-selling, short-selling.”
“Mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst, mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst, mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst, mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst, mghhhhhhwrlgggggggggggpst.”
“SHORT-SELLING.”
“Bloodbath?”
“Bloodbath?”
“Slap the b!tch around until she wakes up. The country needs to know why she really called off that hearing.”
"5.92% in two days. Two freaking days."
