As Chairman of the powerful House Financial Rackets Committee, Boon Doggler, Gay Caucus Whip, grips those busy, busy Congressional purse strings limply. His Win-a-Date-with-Boon Charitable Foundation, offering corporate lobbyists an intimate personal encounter with the flaming Capitol Hill orator, took in $127 million last year, a windfall even by Washington standards.
Major corporate donors include financial racketeering giants like Filch & Finagle, Falutin National Bank, Market Assault Cabal, and Cuckold & DeMasculate, leading Affirmative Action Crime Family, all financial racketeering giants buying legislation from the legislator. Lobbyists are mostly former Gay Caucus Congressmen who want dates with Doggler.
The charity’s principal giveaway, providing free Vote for Boon tee-shirts to schoolchildren in the Whip’s district, has enriched so many young lives that Win-a-Date-with-Boon Director, Jiggles Swisher, now has plans to erect a Boon Doggler Statue 151 feet away from every polling place in the State of Massachusetts.
When asked if Doggler was planning to make that long-anticipated run at one of his state’s two Senatorial seats, Jiggles commented, “no comment.”
But the charity has accelerated its cultural Vote for Boon tee-shirt initiative, judging from all the truckers trolling foundation loading docks lately.
“In addition to Vote for Boon tee-shirts, what else does your charity do?”
“Boon signs them.”
“Doggler signs the Vote for Boon tee-shirts?” I had trouble believing.
“For 100 bucks. We also pay bloggers 50 bucks if they mention Vote for Boon tee-shirts five times in one posting.”
“Cash money?” I figured I might as well ask.
“Yup.”
