Half the Senate has called for the NFL’s Washington Redskins franchise to change its name. Since Government gives these people the
mother of all tax breaks, league officials may not feel like helping Skins
management weasel out of it if push comes to shove along the corridors on Capitol Hill.
MacDougal thought it might
be useful to come up with a more historically accurate moniker in case the team gets to thinking it probably could use a new one.
Running the numbers on
every settler v savage or savage v settler atrocity committed from 1511 to 1890 in what became the continental
United States, historian William Osborn tells us the score is 9,156 scalped
European settlers to 7,193 mostly shot savages.
In addition to scalping, we’re talking about
miscellaneous tomahawking, burning, raping, knifing, clubbing, shooting,
impaling, strangling, kidnapping, and ambushing, and that’s before you even get to the
massacres, unmentionable torture, infanticide, and God only knows what else is there when you really dig in, which we didn't want to, so there's a whole lot of historical accuracy to back us up with here.
As anyone who had people in the Indian Wars will confirm, family histories generally agree that "the
only good injun is a dead injun".
However, bending to the 21st Century political correctness police, the
Washington Dead Injuns probably has to be ruled out.
To us here at the Post, that seems to leave two viable possibilities: The Bloodthirsty Tomahawking Savages would
just leave room for more of the same type of complaining, so we’ve dropped that too, leaving:
The Washington Scalped
European Settlers.
We're certain Redskin fans will love it as much as we do.
