Until lately, economists had always listed the
primary factors of production as Land, Labor, and Capital. In recent decades, however, gamed-market
capitalists in the United States have succeeded in getting these elements redefined,
over the short run at least, as Land, Chinamen, and Capital, and this change has
given rise to a puzzling new wrinkle known as Nuwrinkle’s Conundrum. Put simply, Nuwrinkle’s Conundrum is this:
When you eliminate Labor
from the primary factors of production, who do you send the paychecks to?
There are two sides to any economy:
1)
The Frontside, where Frontside Economists tell us that paychecks turn workers
into consumers, who buy stuff; and
2)
The Backside, where somebody makes that stuff; here, Backside Economists
like Dibstik Nuwrinkle, former Chairman of the CEO Monetary Abuse Roundtable, have
certain Americans firing other Americans to hire Chinamen, which might be all
right if certain Americans weren’t sending American paychecks over to Chinamen
too.
Americans have to have their paychecks. Without paychecks, Americans can’t buy what
Chinamen produce.
Our political hacks are letting this happen for one
simple reason. Chinamen are bribing them. Washington movers and shakers have this
spectacularly burgeoning debt load on their hands, and need U. S. Greenback
Dollars to pay it off with, but we don’t have any. China has them. After certain Americans send our paychecks to
Chinamen and other Americans buy China’s stuff with whatever’s left, China emails
some of that cash back to us in the form of what Backside Economists would like
you to believe are investments in U. S. Treasury bonds, notes, and bills.
Now, Backside Economists are hired by the rich and careless to say whatever
the rich and careless want to hear, and what the rich and careless definitely
don’t want to hear these days is how our Washington movers and shakers, on the rich
and careless payroll too, are taking bribes of Chinese U. S. Greenback Dollars
from Chinamen, so Backside Economists fib about it.
Fact is, China isn’t “investing” in U. S. Treasury
bonds, notes, and bills at all. The
Orientals are giving the Occidentals revolving grants. Their Central Government now furnishes our
Central Government with much of our costly industrial base, and is bribing our
Central Governators to keep this whacky deal going by slipping our Central Governators oodles and oodles of free cash without asking for the kind of interest
payments one normally requires when forced to throw money into a fiscal conflagration
like we’ve got raging right now.
And our Central Governators need oodles and oodles. More and more oodles and oodles every day. More and more oodles and oodles for bizarre Central
Government domestic initiatives like financing homes for people who can’t finance
homes, more and more oodles and oodles for bizarre Central Government foreign
initiatives like shooting at pretty much everybody in the militant religious
fanatic sphere of influence except the militant religious fanatic leadership
making those people nuts. And even more
and more oodles and oodles for way-over-the-top Central Governator executive compensation
packages.
Where all this goes next is even further beyond reason. To keep themselves in power, overstuffed Washington
fat cats have to divert voter attention away from free Chinese U. S. Greenback
Dollars and bizarre domestic and foreign initiatives, and come up with
something else for the constituency to fret about.
And that would be Economic Devastation. Perpetual worldwide cataclysmic Economic Devastation.
Fortunately for overstuffed Washington fat cats,
free Chinese U. S. Greenback Dollars and
bizarre domestic and foreign initiatives screw up the global economy so bad nobody
can figure out who’s doing it. Bankers
in Iceland get blamed for everything, or the president of Greece, or the consorts
of the President of Italy, or the ratings agencies, or some doctor dumb enough
to go anywhere near the likes of Michael Jackson and them, and our elected political
hacks keep on getting re-elected.
As everybody knows, Chinamen have our jobs. Not just on the assembly line. Everywhere.
Bosses and secretaries and shipping clerks and fork lift operators. Even the guy over in Accounts
Receivable. The one with those polka dot
bow ties. Chinamen have his job
too. And that babe who pulled down her Hanky
Pankies and sat on the copier machine, she doesn’t have a copier machine to sit
on anymore. Or a paycheck. In fact, nobody gets paid at a lot of places
these days. Not here. Not anymore.
The Chinese have our American jobs and our American paychecks. And they’re paying off your Congressmen to
keep them. Paying them off with grants.
That’s what’s going on here.
Even worse, should certain Americans stop sending
those American paychecks to Chinamen, China could start emailing demands for
real market interest on their grants, unleashing a hyperinflation in U. S.
Greenback Dollars that would curdle your financial bones.
They’re an inscrutable bunch, these Chinamen. And us?
Well, I don’t know about me, but you?
Republican or Democrat, you’re a total freaking moron for electing the
people who keep letting things like this happen to us.
