In a historic press release issued yesterday, Goldberg, Styx announced that managers had agreed to think about trying to ask employees to focus a little harder on not making any more clerical mistakes in the future in one of the mortgage-backed bond businesses the firm got out of last year if the SEC made its fraud investigation go away, except, of course, for the Frenchman who caused the entire world financial collapse with those emails to his girlfriend. Well, then girlfriend anyway.
In a separate press conference, gloating regulatory officials announced that the SEC was into Goldberg for 550 big. “It’s all about money on Wall Street, and we‘re players too,” a spokesperson offered, informing reporters that “Uncle Sammy pockets 300 big here.”
Asked why that part of the money wasn’t going to victims of the fraud, the spokesperson responded, “Next question?”
Officials wouldn’t speculate if the SEC was planning to underwrite mortgage-backed bonds now too, what with all that dough and everything. At this time, no one could say how many SEC staffers would be joining Goldberg one of these days, when personnel transfers might take place, or if any lateral career moves would be officially announced as part of yesterday’s historic settlement.
It’s still unclear whether or not Goldberg plans to release the then girlfriend’s emails to the Frenchman anytime soon. Most experts believe they’re really hot.
