Racketeering Take to Drop 30%

    Financial racketeers across the globe will see a decline in pay of 27% for all of 2011, some compensation consulting service guessed today.


     "There are only two kinds of money on Wall Street", Presbyterian Mafia spokeshoodlum Grabbe Allugots explained, "theirs and ours, and seriously, if they ain't got some, how can we possibly make any ours?"


    "Pockets are empty on Main Street," Allugots added in a speech kicking off the mob's 2011 Media Day Press Conference.  "Wall Street don't dip in unless something's actually there to pull out."


    While income statements are not made available to outsiders, industry sources tell us that extortion revenues, cash scared out of public suckers' hands with massive mob buying or selling attacks that are coordinated among all the Families, have been suffering the most.  In dire times, State Attorney Generals crawl out of the woodwork looking for the headlines they need to make Governor, and Dons "don't want nobody nosing around there", traditionally what has always been the most profitable criminal activity in investment banking, so they "cool it for a while" ... "until the heat is off".


    "Tap ain't doing no better neither," Allugots went on to point out.  Tap dancing, known as tap to Gangland wise guys, involves selling out your customers, either trading against therm, like buying up good stuff you're getting them to dump, or pricing their orders with The Street's traditional "some for me, some for you" funny-business model.  "And I don't even want to talk about short-selling."


   Nobody ever wants to talk about short-selling, which is "why we pay for the Securities and Excuses Commission", the spokeshoodlum revealed.  Bloodbath Mary Schlepiro, Chief Obfuscation Officer at the Agency, is in place to see that the no-talking ban gets enforced.  In place until Wall Street offers her a job back on Wall Street anyway.


    Exacerbating industry problems, political payoffs, far and away the biggest cost of doing business in the financial rackets, are about to go through the roof.  "2012 is an election year", keynote speaker Dudley "Slippery Fingers" Westminster-Buckingham lamented, and we've got to keep our Washington stooges under the rotunda."


    Industry lobbyists have been calling for across-the-board 25 year terms of office for all publicly-elected officials, attractive given who they've got in there now, but until that happens Wall Street has to flood TV airways with the kind of misrepresentations that make Rigged-Market Capitalism work, at least for the rigged-market capitalists.


    "Don't worry, we'll game all these stock prices up again," Slippery Fingers concluded - on a high note.  "We have to.  I've got Maseratis to buy."

Rakoff Rules

    Blocking yet another sweetheart deal between some gargantuan money lender and the Securities and Excuses Commission (SEC), U.S. District Court Judge Jed S. Rakoff pointed at the Agency and screamed, "LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!", kind of.


    As David S. Hilzenrath reported in the Washington Post, the Judge held that "some 'apologists' may favor 'suppressing or obscuring the truth, but the S.E.C., of all agencies, has a duty . . . to see that the truth emerges; and if it fails to do so, this Court must not, in the name of deference or convenience, grant judicial enforcement to the agency’s contrivances.'


    "The court 'concludes, regretfully, that the proposed Consent Judgement is neither fair, nor reasonable, nor adequate, nor in the public interest,' he wrote."


    The SEC had charged the too-big-to-trust money lender with misleading its customers.  Creeps had wagered against anyone buying their crummy complex subprime loan investments, raking in $160 million on the caper while marks got clipped for more than $700 million, according to Agency math.


    The SEC whitewash had let these thieving cretins off the hook without admitting or denying wrongdoing, while charging the colossus with negligence instead of intentional fraud.


    Like the rest of us, Judge Rakoff must've been thinking WTF?  We're delighted he came out and jurisprudently paraphrased it.

For Your Yuletide Listening Pleasure

    In response to a subscriber's suggestion, we are providing the following link to a performance of Money (That's What I Want) by The Flying Lizards:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ooF27ABwmg&feature=related

Season's Greetings from Wall Street

(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatter)

The best things in life are free
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
But you can give them to the birds and bees
I (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) want money
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That'swhatIwant
(Clatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatter)

Your love gives me such a thrill
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
But your love won't pay my bills
I want money
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That'swhatIwant
(Clatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatter)

(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatter)

Money doesn't get everything, it's true
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)

What it doesn't get, I can't use
I want money
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That's
What I want
That's (Clatter, Clatter, Clatter) what I want
That'swhatIwant
(Clatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatter)

That's
what I want
I want money
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
I want lots of money, money
That's
What I want
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
In fact, I want so much money
That's
What I want
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
Give me your money
That's
What I want
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
Just give me money
That's
What I want
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
That'swhatIwant
(Clatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatterclatter)

(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(PEEP, PEEP, PEEP)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(PEEP, PEEP, PEEP, PEEP)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(PEEP, PEEP, PEEP, PEEP)
(Clatter, Clatter, Clatter)
(PEEP, PEEP, PEEP)
(ClatterclatterPEEPclatterclatterPEEPclatterPEEPclatterclatter)


- MONEY (THAT'S WHAT I WANT), originally written by Berry Gordy and Janie Bradford, as performed by The Flying Lizards, or not, heard on the road to St. Paul along with other yuletide carols.

Lest It Go Unreported

    Chelsea Clinton’s husband is a hedge fund manager, all four of their parents, controversial politicians (one impeached, another a recently sprung jailbird).  No incentive to distort news here.  Congrats to the double-talking airheads at NBC.  With a single hiring, yours is now the most mistrusted name in television.

Who's the Problem?

    It was a day when we were told that 1) an 84 year-old had been pepper sprayed by officers who are supposed to protect and serve her, 2) a lobbyist was campaigning for President and he's taken something less than $2 million from institutions at the center of the sub-prime mortgage fraud, and 3) the brutal national attack on dozens of local Occupy Wall Street protest communities had been orchestrated by the Justice Department of a now-proven liar who‘d famously set us up with false promises of “hope“ and “change“.

    Throw them out.  From municipal pepper sprayer to the sitting President of the United States, throw them all out.

    Those of you who still think of yourselves as Republicans or Democrats, you’re not.  You’re supporting the Republican Wing of the Plutocratic Party or the Democrat Wing of the Plutocratic Party, and your guys are just telling you what they think you want to hear to keep their single party system in power.

    Stop doing that.  Face it, you’re the damn problem here.  Why the world has gone completely nuts.

    Help us throw them all out.  Pleeeeease.

Pack of Thieving Crooks

    Your elected officials in action, along with staffers and lobbyists:

http://www.minyanville.com/businessmarkets/articles/Insider-Trading-insider-trading-and-congress/11/14/2011/id/37910

Loonies Again

    In yet another chilling reminder that this reckless Tea Party agenda has set the nation on a course toward financial obliteration, Jefferson County, Alabama, filed for bankruptcy yesterday.  "Politicians don’t want to be attached to rate increases and tax increases, and both were going to be necessary," the court-appointed receiver argued in trying to thwart an attempt by local officials to wrest administrative control of the sewer program away from him.

    Nobody will invest in paper issued by governments refusing to exercise their taxing authority, and  Jefferson County bondholders are bearing the immediate brunt of maniacal right wing dunderheadedness in ignoring that reality.  Accountants are already marking down the value of their junk holdings.  Birmingham residents are next.  Soon, the populace will see fees skyrocket and local services sharply curtailed as county employees get laid off, and looming in the shadows is the threat that hordes of people and businesses will start relocating en mass if officials cannot borrow money they cannot function without.

    Your investments could be next.  Well before it becomes clear that the politically-controlled infrastructure across this now-pathetic nation is being toppled by complete morons, markets here will crash once again.

    And stay crashed while the loonies bankrupt us all.

Joy to the World

    When talking dunderheads on the Financial Nonsense Channel bemoan the closing of abysmally performing hedge funds due to abysmal performance, then decry staff reductions and pay cuts throughout the financial rackets, it can only mean one thing.  Phones are down all over The Street.  Again.

    The Securities and Excuses Commission (SEC), or somebody, has finally knocked them out this go-around.

    See, for your Presbyterian Mafia to rip customers off big time, your top refined wise guys have to pool some not-so-refined efforts.  Ivy League goons aren’t smart enough to know what’s going up or down by themselves, let alone when.  Somebody’s got to orchestrate your massive plunderings and pillagings, and let the rest of the pinstripe hoods in on this stuff, and that's where Alexander Graham Bell's invention comes in.  Yackety, yack, shorts attack.  When the heat’s on, however, lines get tapped and conversations monitored - even your third cousin’s tennis pro’s girlfriend's cellphone isn’t safe to use anymore, and Elite Dons are afraid to try pulling enough cronies together to gangbang prices with the weight of their combined egregious amorality.

    Wall Street shutters its rackets for the duration.  No phone calls, no trading.  Your made man goes broke fast trying to pull any of this calamari off by his pathetic own self.

    Oh, they’ll be back soon enough and probably with a vengeance, but enjoy the lull while it lasts.  You may even be able to spot mega moves yourself now, and cash in on them, if racketeers are really being stymied by actual law enforcement efforts, as the latest idiot box news suggests.

    Free market theory, the one where rational market participants determine rational market prices, the one that ignores the reality of widespread and perpetual rigging by irrational market insiders, the theory espoused by academic charlatans anointed intellectual giants at institutions of the rich and careless by telling the rich and careless what the rich and careless want to hear, may actually hold water for a time.

    We never ever recommend any kind of trading strategy to subscribers who aren‘t wired into the right phone calls from the right Country Club Capo, and still don’t, but if you want to dabble a bit in short-term price swings today, go on and give it a shot, a tiny, tiny shot.  We’re willing to take a page from the SEC’s own playbook, and look the other way for now.

    These are, after all, heady times for our MacDougal Post community.  The felonious are starting to go away.  At least some of them anyway.  Big ones too.  To rot in jail for a long, long time.  A really long, long, long, long time for a change.

    Go ahead and celebrate a little, why don't you?